people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize