The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
