What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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