if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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