And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
