Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
