You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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