dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
