Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize