i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
