we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
