I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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