she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
