Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
