it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
