Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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