And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
