i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We have so much sex to catch up on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
