It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
