Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
