i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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