how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
