At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
