Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
only you would photoshop your dick
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
