i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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