the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
