It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
