i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want to fling myself into the sun
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
