Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
