I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
