I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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