Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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