it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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