i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize