That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
