She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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