Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
