Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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