a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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