Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
