im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
