So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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