I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
