Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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