i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
