A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
