"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
