White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
