Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
