if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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