The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
