i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
