Non-Jews are for practice
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
