if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
