I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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