So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
