Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
