i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fuck appropriateness.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize