Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
