All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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