I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
