dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
