she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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